Goofy Gardening Tips That Actually Work

Want to scare squirrels away from your vegetable patch? Sprinkle the ground with human teeth. Need to protect tender shoots from winter’s cold? Cover them with bra cups!

Goofy ideas? Absolutely! And please don't use them.They're from a darkly comic short story by Jincy Willet, “The Best of Betty,” a collection of fictional advice columns complete with crazy gardening tips.

To some, the tips below may sound just as wacky. And maybe they are. But unlike the gardening advice in Dear Betty’s column, these actually work!

Ladies who like to garden never need to throw away old pantyhose, even ones with holes and runners. Instead, cut up old hosiery and use the undamaged pieces to line flower and vegetable containers. The nylon allows water to drain while keeping soil inside the pot.

Another great use for worn-out hosiery? Staking vegetables. Unlike garden twine, pantyhose won’t chafe tender stalks. And unlike Velcro ties, they don’t cost a dime. You can even wrap them around sagging fruits like tomatoes and staked cantaloupes to provide extra support.

Filled with soil, pantyhose can also serve as a good foundation for a living wreath. For step-by-step instructions on how to make one using hose, go to Washington State University’s Clark County Extension Office webpage.

Like pantyhose, coffee filters make excellent pot liners. Use natural unbleached ones if you're worried about additives leaching into the soil. Most standard liners fit 6-inch pots perfectly. They also work in 4-inch and 8-inch pots.

You can use coffee filters for starting seedlings, too. Before filling them with growing medium, use a small hole punch to create drainage holes. When it’s time to transplant, tuck your seedlings into the ground, liners and all.

If you come from a long line of gardeners, this advice may not sound so goofy: plant by the phases of the moon.

The moon’s changing gravitational pull as it orbits Earth not only affects the tides. It also influences the water table, which in turn affects plants. Increases and decreases in the light of the moon also have an effect on plant growth.

Every 29 days, the moon moves through its cycle. From Earth, its shape appears to change, waxing from a new (dark) moon to a full moon by the middle of the month, and then waning to darkness again by the month’s end.

The new moon’s waxing phase is the best time to sow leafy vegetables, like lettuce, spinach, and cabbage. It’s also a good time to repot houseplants, apply fertilizer, plant trees, and seed vine crops, such as tomatoes, peas, and beans.

As the moon wanes, prune plants and begin to plant, transplant, and/or harvest root crops, like beets, onions, carrots, and potatoes. This is also a good time to plant bulbs, perennials, and other plants that require strong root systems.

For more "loony" lunar gardening tips, see the Farmers' Almanac "Gardening by the Moon" calendar. To keep track of the moon's phases where you live, sign up for a free iGoogle! account, and add “Current Moon Phase” to your page.

If they’re hungry enough, deer, rabbits, and other wildlife will eat just about anything in your home landscape. The scent of your dog or cat, however, could slow them down. Rather than throw away pet fur, vacuum it up or brush it out, and scatter it along the edges of your garden to discourage munchers.

Placing fur in flower and vegetable beds will also keep away snails and slugs. Just as Rover’s fur sticks to couches, curtains, and clothing, it also sticks to them—with much more serious consequences.

The fur you toss into the yard is also a great boon to birds, who’ll use it as nesting material.

Birds love dripping water almost as much as they love to eat those insects that feed on your prized flowers and vegetables. So when your old watering can or bucket springs a leak, don’t throw it away. Turn it into a bird shower by filling it with water and hanging it in your landscape. When you fill the bird feeders in your yard, fill your old leaky bucket, too. Birds will flock to it!